Fathers and sons, or how to prepare your child to divorce parents

The first thing that comes to mind when the word «divorce» — stress. Adults experience it easier as they have life experience, they can control themselves, they have friends and relatives who always fills them with his shoulder. Different situation with children, as a result of divorce, they lose their family. In their minds it appears quite logical question: «Why?». They see the sad parents and understands that returning to the past anymore.

Отцы и дети, или как подготовить ребенка к разводу родителей

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In our country one of the rare cases where people disagree, not to demean their dignity and humiliate the other. Quite a few people manage family relationships to move to a friendly or at least neutral. Anger, desire to hurt another displace tenderness, love, care. In this fight there are no winners, the ones affected, and most often it is children.

So, a typical situation: you want to convey to the child that the parents will now live apart.

Having decided to talk about divorce with your child, you need to be patient, to be careful and precise when choosing my words. The child took your words correctly, the atmosphere should be relaxing, calm; the tone is soft; and you restrained. Well, if this conversation will be attended by both parents, this enables children to understand that even in this difficult situation, both parents continue to love them.

When the news conveys to the child one of the parents, the situation escalates. It is important to remain neutral, in any case can not let the child feel that the other parent is bad. That you may be a new spouse, the child will never be the same of a new Pope or a new mom. The love of a child to their parents is limitless, selfless. Charges one parent to another will cause the baby only more pain and suffering.

You need to be prepared for what your child will do everything in his power to reunite his family, he will often ask about the other parent. You need to be patient and to gently but convincingly to make it clear to your child that there is no turning back.

Rarely it happens that people get divorced for no apparent reason. In the family for a long time accumulated a large number of claims. Start the showdown, resentment, scandals, and all they see children. Knowing that the family that something is wrong, children get scared. When you see no other way besides divorce there, you need to start training the baby to this news. You need to convey to the child that living with the parents already can’t, and that divorce is in any case does not mean that the Pope is gone forever. It will come, always come to the rescue when necessary. He needs to know that divorce is the case of parents, since they love both parents as before. Your child needs to know why his parents can’t be together anymore, and the older the child, the more he has a right to know. However, the most painful details that can hurt a child, is to lower. There has never better suited the rule – «grow – understand».

About the impending divorce, the child must learn from you, but in any case not from the gossip of neighbors or compassionate relatives.

At preschool age the child considers himself the most important, therefore, frequently begins looking for the cause of separation parents in themselves, in their behavior. Loving parents will try to solve the problem together. To make it simple enough: just need to tell the child that you love him, appreciate that you important success.

Do not overload the child physically and mentally. He is so hard considering what is happening. Give him more positive emotions. He feels your tension, aggression and behaves accordingly. Their behavior can become Moody, tearful, withdrawn. In any case do not yell at him for it, he has not learned to control their emotions. The best medicine in this case will be a walk, your peace of mind and a bedtime story.

If you are planning to change their place of residence and place of residence of the child, and you and he should be ready for what he will have to go through a long period of adjustment to new people, neighbors, and friends. Better to wait with this. It is impossible to restrict the child communicate with the parents of the former husband or wife. Grandparents are simply necessary for the child. You need to always speak well of them, however, you should pay attention to the mood in which he returns home. It may be that there he set up against you. This should lead you to a candid conversation with recent relatives.

This is only a small part of what will help the kid to survive his parents ‘ divorce. Everything that you think is trivial, may be a child is much more serious. And require him to act like adults is stupid, you just need to give him time and just be there.

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