How not to raise a child selfish, or What child-centrism

Most of today’s parents are raising their children on a basic concept of child-centrism: «All the best to children». And few think about the fact that the happiness of the child is not in the final model, the «iPhone» and not in a huge number of additional classes.

как воспитывать ребенка

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How to raise a child? Modern parents, for some reason, increasingly invested in the answer to this question tangible value, not moral. We completely forgot about that expensive education and better things at Arsenal, our children are the basis of the nature, habits and relations to the surrounding world, relatives and friends. We educate children on the principle of child-centrism. Russian journalist and writer Eugene Schwartz closest psychologists and educators describe a social phenomenon in the middle of the last century: «Children need to indulge, after all, just so happens to grow from them real robbers».

If the best becomes the enemy of the good

The lack of attention and personal contact of modern moms and dads are trying to compensate for all the best commercial schools and clinics, branded clothes and expensive gadgets. Harmonious development? Easy – drawing, pool, sports, foreign languages. This approach has a negative impact not only on children but also on adults. You need to do – to work, lunch to take away or take your child to the club (training, classes). Nannies and assistants not everyone can afford, you will have to sacrifice their leisure time nerves.

Child-centrism is the principle of building a family relationship when the whole world revolves only around the child and for the child.

The first victim of the child-centrism adults. And it’s not just that they bear a great burden, and in the fact that sooner or later mom and dad (grandma and grandpa) have a competition to see who could and will have time to do for a loved one child as much as possible. A conflict develops that watches the baby, and he begins to consider himself the perpetrator.

Not in wealth, happiness or the poor rich kids

For a child fuss about it sooner or later becomes like a dance with a tambourine, and he begins to hate her or taken for granted. In the end, he builds a family on the principle of «all for me, I’m the center of the universe». But what will this family if the second half it was brought up precisely on the same principle?

In tsarist Russia under baby room was given the smallest room even in big rich houses. And in these rooms lived a few children.

I’ll show you a world of harmony and happiness

To make the child the main task of parents. In our example, they form the image of the world and a model of behavior in the family. During the formation of the character of the mother and father should assume the role of leader, leader and mentor. The family practiced child-centrism, the role is shifted and is passed on to the child – he decides what and when, why and how much. Nesformirovannost nervous system of children in a family under stress, which is the age of 16-18 translates into sustained apathy. The child just gets tired of the hustle and desire for the unattainable. And if he has not met any expectations of the parents, it can result in a stable complex of inferiority.

Psychologists say that self-confidence is formed when the child feels protected and weak, should be up to the parents, listen to their advice and takes what he is offered, not what he himself chose. But freedom of choice should not be forgotten – every step you need to discuss with children, to know their opinion and take it into account.

What is the secret of success

Child-centrism trap of the modern world, but avoid this «trap» easily. How to raise children correctly? Follow just 4 the basics of communication.

  • Show that your other half also means a lot to you.
  • Be selfish – do not forget about their desires, needs, do not try to anticipate the wishes of the child.
  • Clear boundaries even in the mode of the day (Breakfast, lunch, dinner, sleep, time of games and activities) will help reduce the anxiety of the child and to foster a sense of confidence. In addition, important rules of conduct – you can not and should remain unchanged, regardless of the situation.
  • Mind illusions – no need to raise their child, protecting him from reality. That’ll teach him to perceive adequately the society, to build relations with others without the help of parents.

And most importantly – spend more time together, talk, become a friend, not a source of wealth.

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