Most people for one reason or another have not clearly expressed personal boundaries. Most clearly, this problem manifests itself when you need someone to refuse or, conversely, to insist on. It is important to know how to defend their opinion, while not hurting the other person and not destroying the relationship with him.
Tactics, leading to negative result
As a rule, people with unsettled personal emotional space is very difficult to recognize when to defend, when to attack, and when the war they were never announced. Every new negative experience only adds to the «piggy Bank», and sometimes «shoots» in the most inappropriate way.
You should not draw conclusions from the particular to the General. Even if someone used you, not the fact that when a similar situation the other person will pursue the same goal. If you notice an aggressive reaction to someone’s persistent requests, such as «what are you making me go!» — think about it! If the person pushes you or are you just projecting onto him your negative experience. This is very important, because if you believe that, by expressing their needs, the surrounding people put pressure on you, you will not clearly declare their own needs, not wanting to be accused of this pressure.
There is also the reverse side of the coin: to start a «war» where there is none. So initially you talk about your desires with aggression and anger, as if you have already been denied more than once. Thus, you hide your fear of being rejected and misunderstood, because the defense is the best offense.
How to change
In fact, you need to realize that this world is not always friendly, and your needs, actually, can someone to elicit a negative response. However, that is not your problem. It is important to do everything that you heard. Here, a simple and constructive dialogue.
You can safely and confidently say what you want (or, conversely, what you don’t want) in a relationship with this person. It can be anyone: a relative, partner, friend or work colleague, as long as you were talking about yourself. Don’t start with accusations, they say, you have not provided your need, therefore the man is already guilty in front of you a priori. This is not so. He or she may not know about the existence you have this need.
However, it is not necessary and «mumble» — people can make the erroneous conclusion that your need is not so important to you.