Not to make a life together in the battlefield and a personal hell to learn a few important truths.
Mutual love and living together is just the beginning of the test relations. How not to rock «the family boat» to convert bonds of love in a robust, reliable and based on a deep connection, which is not afraid of storms of life?
- Do not try to change the personality of a loved one. It is impossible to change a person, only change yourself if you value the relationship. Treat any discomfort as a personal problem, and then it will be clear: you get along with your loved one, or in his personality is what will sooner or later become the cause of separation.
- Don’t let a close person in the relationship that he didn’t need. In relationships people put themselves, their potential. Give your partner what he really needs. And do not try to «cram» the fact that he’s not interested: it concerns not only material things but also information, which you intend to share with her.
- Eliminate from the relationship any attempt to lead the life partner. Reduce attempts to manipulate your partner to a minimum, if not they do not indulge in, getting something from a loved one. Otherwise you will get that life together to turn into endless bickering and constant transactions. Stepping «on a throat to an own song» the man, for example, won’t be long, or turn into weak-willed slug. Woman longer tolerate manipulation, but the number of small deceptions on her part in such a relationship will be critical — or she will simply lose interest in relationships.
- Do not put pressure on the identity of a loved one, achieving certain goals. It’s your goals, not his. Blackmail, endless conditions, hysteria and claims will repel you from someone who cares as soon as you «love the heat» and «heat of the excitement in the blood,» and to you both loomed the prospect to be around in circumstances which are not going anywhere. It is in these times of living together, one is tempted to change the circumstances to get rid of uncomfortable and annoying conditions claims. So you can lead the relationship to break ties or «us side», where relations are based on mutual respect and trust.
- Be friendly in Frank conversation. All the talk about the problems — personal and General — should be made in a friendly manner, gently and unobtrusively. Whatever happens, try to put yourself in the shoes of your loved one and talk as you would like it to communicate with you. Do not attack, otherwise the partner will leave «in defence», and the conversation will not be constructive. Imagine that you speak with a colleague or a stranger, try to be polite.
- Do not push, do not elicite! You should not demonstrate that you have «everything under control», or require passwords for personal email accounts, social media accounts and roll-call «delivery» list of phone numbers in the mobile of a loved one. Accusations, suspicion, trying to catch the nefarious act will put a barrier between you and a loved one, and thus instead of solving the problems you will achieve the exclusion and rejection. Insisting on complete openness and «accountability» of each step, «nikolajeva» «the truth», forcing him into a corner, you will most likely force the person to lie to you. Partner just will avoid you, to be secretive and to seek «soul mate» is not at home but in other places, where goodwill more.
- Do not humiliate a close person. Continuous ridicule, sarcasm, irony, contempt, criticism actions and words, teachings and commenting on the actions of a partner will cause him rejection and the humiliation he will answer the contempt. Claims need to present, being guided by the intellect and not the emotions. You cannot sculpt a descent labels: lazy, ham, irresponsible, indifferent, or simply call. Such definitions to address a close person to not be. If you hurt a loved one some act — will discuss it with him, but don’t spread the discontent on the character or personality.
- Separate the blame for the conflict or discomfort with your partner. The desire to please strangers of the opposite sex appears, if the partner does not feel desired and complaints of boredom begin when a person feels a lack of attention. Look in the root of the problem and not scold enough tasty food or mess in the house, which may be an indication of depression or an attempt to somehow draw attention to himself, even negative way. In such situations, usually both to blame: if you don’t give the relationship the necessary heat — the soup will be tasteless and untidy housing.
- Do not try to prove their case, do not dwell on the wrongs of another. Even if your warnings proved prophetic, and the man got into trouble — the most stupid phrase that might sound: «I told you so…» or «I knew it!» Better try to offer constructive ways out of an unpleasant situation. Become the like-minded people and wisdom will become thanks, and lesson learned will be remembered for a lifetime.
- Do not demonstrate moral superiority, even if you won the argument or accomplished something in a quarrel. Do not push morality, presenting the situation in a contrasting light: you’re an amoral (immoral) — and I am a Saint (Holy). To be a moralist in a relationship — means to doom oneself to a conversation with the deaf. If instead of anger you tell the partner him — we could do better.
- Don’t look for blame in one way or another unpleasant situation. Let them know a loved one that you love him despite the mistakes and are willing to help in overcoming the difficult situation along with him. Do not seek to punish the partner for misconduct, otherwise the relationship will turn into a dull game «crime and punishment», and you have to be a house detective to follow the partner. Such «cat and mouse» in a relationship very soon lead to mutual irritation, hatred, and the cooling of love. Learn to forgive if not sincerely, then at least do not harass their «soul mate» accusations. This will guarantee that if you happen to stumble — your loved one will not give you humiliating «auto-da-Fe», and even morally heavy situation, you can count on trust, support and help. As the call — and respond — in love and in family relations, it usually works very well.
- Do not turn and do not allow to withdraw to your partner after a quarrel, or by reason of resentment. Communicate! Sometimes it’s better to break the plate and throw out your pain than to go «stone in the bosom», waiting for the right moment to throw him into a dear man. Particularly prone to withdraw into themselves men. Women behave more openly. Don’t be afraid to open to the partner of his loving spirit. Love, even after a fight, not to humiliate anyone, nor to offend. Of course, if you are not going to demand in return something that the partner is not willing to give you. Love is not the carrot by which it is possible to result in the ideal situation, in your view, the condition.
- Do not try the patience of a partner! In the hard times which happen even in the most perfect and harmonious relationship, just try to be there, even if the bad mood of your loved one makes you want to slam the door and change of scenery, finding a more pleasant experience or company. The argument «let her suffer» very soon will fail and the partner will become practically don’t care where you go when in a relationship there comes a «storm». He may even conclude that you need only when he has «something to fuck». In other words — he might believe that you simply are using. In such situations, even passionate relationship can burst at the seams, and on the horizon will have other interests — work, Hobbies, friends and… as is often the case — the other women (or men), your partner or fiancee can see more attentive, affectionate, reliable and desirable potential match.
Life together is not only rough sex and rose petals in the bathroom. Love is much more important to give than to receive. You should not go over everything that you are «underfunded, in a way» in the relationship. Selfishness expresses itself most frequently in waiting for the partner of certain actions, thanks to which «I will be fine with him.» Sometimes ask yourself the question: what need to your loved one from existing relationships, whether your partner next to you?