Divorce in the family where there are children, hurts not only ex-spouses. In this unpleasant process involved all: and grandmothers and grandfathers, and most importantly – children. Only because of their age difficult to cope with the situation, and in adults to seek support during this period is useless.
Worst of all, when falling apart the once happy family, is the unknown. It is fear of the unknown frightens children of all ages. In rare families during the divorce the parents have the courage to talk to the kids frankly and explain the situation. Most often children are put before a fait accompli. And even worse, when the father leaves the «battlefield» quietly and without saying goodbye. The family, now so small, begins a new life. And the child does not always understand their place in it. If earlier they had a family weekend, mom’s closed in itself and devotes little time to the children. Or on the contrary, starts with a passion to engage children and find in them comfort or smoothing down the feeling of guilt before them. The child is such a sharp behavior can only frighten. What does he feel? Fear, uncertainty, frustration, anger, and most importantly – guilt.
Is it possible to handle it and forgive your parents? Can. Need? Need for the child. The child in this situation, you need to understand that he has every right to Express their own feelings. He has the right to tell parents what was troubling him, even to blame something. But parents should be honest with him. Of course, this frankness should not be traumatic in nature. No need to tell children that the reason for the divorce that dad abused my mom or him for a long time the other family. And not to accuse each other of all sins in front of the kids. Neutral find the cause of your separation.
The child has the right to be angry with their parents. Yes, he considers them his property, and they suddenly took such a big decision without asking him. He needs a familiar comfortable world, security guarantees. And it’s not selfish, and quite understandable reaction to exit from the comfort zone. But if in the family occur and additional changes (moving, reducing the level of life, a new school), the reaction can be very unpredictable. But it is absolutely justified. Why do adults believe that a child has the right to show her feelings, has no right to demand something. Isolation in itself, especially in adolescents, can lead to complete disorder within the family. Want your child to yell, to blame parents for all his failures, has the right. But mom and dad have on the expression of emotions to give an adequate response. Not to scare, not to threaten, but to understand. It is very difficult, but you have to put yourself in the place of the child. You’re in pain now, what is he? He still does not know how to cope with emotions, does not understand the whole situation.
Worse, when, instead of open displays of affection, the child plunges into himself. A common cause for this condition is the feeling of guilt. Yes, the child feels guilty that mom and dad don’t live together. Usually such experiences affected young children aged 5 to 10 years. During this period there may be neuroses, psychosomatic illnesses, nightmares. While these children are unable to find ways of emotional discharge, they trust their parents, seeking their protection and assistance. And in response to receiving: «You’re too little!». But it is precisely because it is small, it is necessary to help him adapt to the new situation. Adults should learn to behave like adults and sometimes they behave from the perspective of a child. In critical, stressful situation you want a different emotional level, I want to walk away from the situation. And parents not knowing, blaming some of it on the shoulders of the child. But such a burden unbearable to him. He wants to throw off this negativity, and the ways to choose the most different. Begins emotional «ping-pong» child with an adult. To stop playing can only be done by parents, accepting the situation, understanding your own child and no longer expect unconditional love.