Touchy people are tiring of the others. Resentment destroys the psychological comfort in dealing and detrimental to the mental health of the offended person. Why is it important to rid yourself of resentment? And how to do it?
What is the offense?
Resentment occurs most often as a result of inconsistencies in our plans with reality. Disappointed expectations give rise to the unconscious man claims to the surrounding world and people. Resentment is dissatisfaction with the events or particular person, his social status, appearance, and overall life, in which, as it seems the offended person, lacking things necessary: love, warmth, or material things — money, comfort, success, good grades.
The negativity is directed at a specific person or group of people and, as a rule, leads or external conflict, or to «samopouzdanja». The resentment expressed outwardly, inevitably leads to alienation, loss of relationships with loved ones, to the destruction of relationships, scandals.
The offense suffered in silence entails serious consequences: evil directed inward, as a rule, leads to destabilization of the psychological, mental, bodily ailments.
Physically people experiencing resentment, weakens, becomes less hardy, more vulnerable to diseases. Suffering and mind: chronic resentment can lead to depression, obsessive States. Doctors suggest that excessive touchiness can lead to manic-depressive psychosis. Another severe consequence, according to doctors, can become cancer. In a state of resentment on the brain is disturbed, distorted perception, decreased immunity.
Resenting, people are unable to think constructively, to work, to enjoy life, it «all goes wrong», it may pursue failure. Even the feeling of love, tainted with resentment, becomes a painful addiction, «cursed» affections of the offended to the offender, and over time can develop into a real hatred.
Resentment as a tool to achieve the goal
Another feature of the resentment expressed openly, it is prone to manipulation. Usually demonstrative resentment is used as a psychological weapon in the relationship to cause feelings of guilt. With remorse, moved by sympathy or pity, the man becomes more pliable, and often gives us what we ask for. However, sometimes we get desired only formally.
Too frequent manipulations using the insults leads to loss of sincerity in the relationship. And sooner or later there comes a time when we give what we seek, as if trying to get rid of the annoying pretensions or cease to respond to the insult, just not noticing them. Often, these emasculated relationship just terminated, and the feelings fade.
How to overcome resentment?
Abstracted from emotions. Imagine that you have changed places with the offender. Try to understand it. Perhaps the person does not even suspect about your problems, and neither sleep nor spirit, as they say, does not know that you offended? Maybe his rudeness caused personal pain? Maybe that pain caused you unconscious?
Try to take the circumstances of the people who surround you – as a given. Think about what you can improve, and what we can live with?
Remember: you cannot improve your own life trying to change people around him. Only by changing the attitude towards life and people, by their own improvement, you can change the quality of relations. In other words, if you change yourself for the better, the attitude to you will change.
Sometimes the resentment is well founded. Humiliates you, offends a friend or loved one? You may have problems with self-esteem. You must either put in the place of the offender, openly showing his negative attitude to put between the abuser and a protective barrier. Sometimes these relationships to cease at all – of course, if we are not talking about close relatives, children, parents.
Why is it important to learn to forgive offenses?
In state of resentment people feel as if sick. And this feeling arises not just. Resentment is one of the spiritual ailments, actually is a mental illness. If you let it grow, the consequences will be extremely unpleasant.
The only cure for the painful condition, in which people immerse themselves because of resentment is forgiveness. To forgive means to renounce vengeance, from discontent, to direct energy in a creative direction — the restoration of friendly relations and trust. When the vital energy works with positive sign, improves mood, strengthens physical health.
It is extremely important to learn to forgive. Don’t need to interpret your forgiveness as charity to the offender: you bastard – and I am Holy. Forgiveness must, first of all, to you, to the destructive energy of resentment did not destroy your life.
To store grudges, to carry a whole heap of their outstanding claims means not to value their lives and those who have a good attitude towards us. Repel the insults, reproaches annoying, claim destroy all the best that binds even very close friends. Touchy people lose friends, they don’t like at work. This is not surprising: who would like that his «strain»? Being in our own offense, we deprive ourselves and those who are offended, the comfort in the relationship.
Well, if you have a balanced, wise friend who will support your spirit and distract from the heavy, vengeful thoughts. To complain on insults to friends who will be only to inflame emotions, in words not supporting you, and your negativity, is strictly impossible. It will only exacerbate the dire mental state and exacerbate the conflict that you experience.
Resentment is a hidden or obvious hostility. By forgiving, the person is internally renounces hostility. If to forgive wrongs difficult and they tortured you have to wonder if everything is alright with your soul, the psyche? Perhaps you should go to a psychologist, but if you are a believer – then ask for advice in the Church.