How to achieve understanding in communication

In psychology there is a technique of «three-stage rocket». It helps to make communication partner their most troubling thoughts and feelings, not to offend him. Using the «three-stage rocket» you are showing your partner the logic of your emotions and thoughts. To successfully apply, you need to consistently voice three parts of your message: what you see is what you emotions, what you think about it.

Автор фото: Катя Васильева


1. In any tense situation, in order to achieve understanding you must begin with the articulation of what objectively happens between you and your partner in communication. For example, you something emotionally discussed, and your partner turned around and left. It is important for you to continue the conversation. The best way to do this is to speak of the incident. The advantages of this method is that it’s obvious to both of you. If your partner turned around and left, then it’s obvious for both of you.

2. The second thing you need to do is to communicate their emotions. What feelings are caused in you partner’s behavior or his word? Tell me about it, adding a second «step» to the first, obvious for both of you. For example, you say, «you turned and walked away, I was hurt» or «You turned and walked away, and it made me angry,» or «You turned and walked away, and I’m annoyed». Always start with the first step. Then your partner will understand what is causing your negative feelings. This is the path to understanding.

3. The third thing you need to say what you think about it. Often we jump immediately to this point, bypassing the first two. «You don’t appreciate! You don’t care about my opinion! You do not take me into account! You forgot about me!» — we claimed. Partner at this point is experiencing the lack of understanding: what happened and what did he do wrong? Always start with the first step, connect to it second, and then third: «You turned and walked away. It made me angry! Because I think you don’t care about my opinion!» Then your partner has the opportunity to answer you in detail. Perhaps, it really doesn’t matter what you think, and that’s another problem… And maybe, he abruptly left the room because he couldn’t cope with emotions, or it seemed to him that someone was knocking on the door.

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