As a mom to raise my son to grow a man and not a spoiled infantile henpecked?
1. It will be difficult. Difficult. Hurt. At least the first time. No matter how strong the will of a woman. Every day in my mother’s eyes will look eyes of a trusting child and her child will ask questions, to answer which would have honestly, but gently, choosing every word so as not to hurt, not to offend, not to put on small shoulders their despair and their pain, their anger and resentment.
2. What to do? It is better to prepare in advance. After all, divorce was not a surprise, a momentary decision, which came true in one day. A list of questions that will be asked baby, small. Where’s dad? When is daddy coming home? Dad never comes because he doesn’t love us anymore? Something like this. Focusing on his son, at his age, make a list. Give simple and most honest answers to the questions. You should not go into details, no need to lie, and in any case not to speak badly about the father of the child.
3. Everything now feels your little man is fear, uncertainty, desolation. The son, a future man, sees that mom is going through and he is unable to affect it. Appear mental anguish, guilt, despair.
The child, being depressed, seeking attention, support, evidence Your love for him, guarantees that he need, that he will not be abandoned, that he still loved and important.
4. It is therefore not necessary to protect the former husband, the father of the child, of parenting a son. It’s hard, but not worth it to deprive the son of his meetings with his father. Give them freedom, let people walk, talk, spend time alone. It is important to try to maintain sincere friendships: let your child see that the parents attitude towards him has not changed. This, of course, utopia, and to keep a good friendly relationship after the divorce, not each pair.
5. Not always, but often it happens that time passes and dad has a new family where not everybody is happy for it to communicate with a child from another woman. Daddy appears less and less, and then completely disappears from view. What happens to the mother? Realizing that her son is left without male parenting, the mother begins to pace. The spoils, deprived of sparing his life, then, by contrast, applies strict educational measures, fearing that his son would grow up to be overly soft, having before him the example of the only female models of behavior. The mother is trying to be a mother, taking up the position of the father. It’s hard, and not right.
Stop, exhale. Stay mother, nurture in the manner that close to you, do not humiliate the son of the cuffs and iron discipline, try not to yell, let the boy be a kid, not pass on some of their adult problems. Talk. Tell us what hurt, when in pain, sad when sad. Talk about love to your child and how he helps through difficult times, bringing joy by their very existence. Understand that my son is also having a hard time. Hear him before scold for misbehavior.
Once your adult son admits that almost enviously watched the other boys walk with dads. What is the sense of emptiness was in his little child’s soul, when he thought, looking at them, «And I have no father». And tried not to show his feelings, because Mama is so hard and why she wants to know. And these feelings resulted in a prank and rude, hysterical and cry — not consciously, not to hurt and spite. Talk to them, let them know that you understand and share all his emotions, tell him that what he feels is natural and all you want is to help. Be together, become best friends. But stay mum!
6. Incomplete family… this is the Phrase some time after the divorce will pursue you. Unnoticed, and now he climbs into the ears, eyes. Incomplete, defective, dysfunctional… It is not so! Incomplete is when parents don’t get along, that’s when my dad hurt his mom, that when my mom yells at dad, this is when the child and his interests, solving adult problems, no one pays attention, when the family lacks love, patience, trust. Here is an incomplete, dysfunctional family. A family where love reigns, where the child receives all needed for life, for full development, even giving him all this is just one mom’s family harmonious, complete, happy.
7. One of the main torments of the woman, alone raising a son, is concern about the lack of example of male behavior. An example could be grandfather, brother, family friend, dad of a classmate, coach, teacher. Movies and books, which reveal the image of the courageous, brave, proud and good character, will be of good help in the upbringing of his son.
8. Often public transport can see a picture: at the bus stop the bus includes a grandmother with a grandson or a woman with a son. In her hands a heavy bag. Boy 6-7 years and older. Someone inferior place, and the place is grandma or mom flop child, she is barely holding on to the handrail, and, sweating, tense with a tired face, holding his heavy burden. And the little boy sits and dangles legs. Then we wonder why men don’t give place at least for pregnant women, the elderly, not to mention young women. They simply do not because bad, but because they are so educated.
9. Help around the house. Sometimes the woman is afraid that if her boy whom she brings up alone, will be and chores to do, ranging from the folding of her toys to washing floors, dishes, and even shopping go and food to cook myself tries, it will grow effeminate and infantile. Let him help you. The son takes the initiative because it defines yourself as a man, more strong, hardy, he wants mom rested, trying to protect and preserve, as best he can. He should not interfere. Let them help you. Let him do the dishes after dinner, or bring from the store a bag of shopping, let it try to drive a nail or even ask the son for help.